Maybe I should quit reading the news. Or maybe I should quit life. Of course not. But life sometimes feels so fragile and at other times it feels safe and happy.
Tomorrow we will attend a funeral. She was only 16. Somebody's baby. Her death was untimely and still not clearly understood. It's all making me kiss my little girls more often. And pray more. Summer is cranking up to it's highest pitched scream and I've been forgetting to pray. Now everything seems to be dangling from a thread. Or maybe it feels like Hoo-ville, my world resting on a flower, carried by an escaping elephant.
The news articles : The Aurora shooting, the Chick-fil-a drama, it's all drama.
Are uncertainty and sadness linked? Tonight they are. I could list my sadnesses. There are just too many dangling ends for my mental comfort. Decisions to make, those I can't make because they're not mine to make, too many wait and see's.
Tonight before we put the girls to bed I played a few hymns on the piano. I remember this one from church when I was a little girl. I didn't understand it like I do now, but I remember if made me feel equipped.
"We have an anchor that keeps the soul
"Steadfast and sure while the billows roll.
"Fastened to the Rock which cannot move,
"Grounded firm and deep in the Saviours love."
I've been laying in bed for an hour not sleeping and thinking all the same things. Prayer....I've been making do with quick short demands..."help me God", or "keep me safe" or "oh Lord, give me patients".....But it's not enough. And so I'm awake for the day.....sick babies and unfinished business...thanks for your thoughts.
ReplyDeleteThat picture is perfect.
ReplyDeleteuh huh! April. All the same. Elv read on the news this morning that 2/3's of India's electric grid has failed. Can you imagine? That would kill the United States flat.
ReplyDeleteThe thing is, it all hangs on a thread anyway, even when it doesn't seem so fragile...when we're content, moored, and directed in our minds. Jesus will come soon.
I loved this, it was a balm to my soul. It's been a tough week for me and this helped me put my thoughts more into perspective. I've been reading a book about prayer and the thing that is repeated time and again is praying for all the things we are thankful for and praising God for what He has done for us. It has challenged me greatly because so often I look at the poor, poor, pityful me side of things and my prayers are help me, self centered and why does have life have to be so unfair type of prayers. I'm taking baby steps but I feel like it is helping me change my way of thinking, praying and looking at life in general. Oh my. I got carried away here. :)
ReplyDeletePS What I wouldn't give to be sitting at your table right now, drinking tea out of that thick brown mug and eating fruit, peanut butter smeared homemade toasted bread and discussing life. I miss you!
God's hands are there for you just like yours are for Olivia's.
ReplyDeleteI'm trying to comment but don't know what exactly to say, other than I "get" this post and have been telling God that I CHOOSE to trust him, with me and my kids and man and life and stuff, whether or not I feel it.
ReplyDelete